Sh*t People Say

Depression is one of the many, many diseases that cannot be easily seen. This simple fact enables the epic piles of ignorant shit people like to say to those of us with these "invisible illnesses." Some of these people are legitimately trying (and failing) to help, but some of them simply don't believe either:

1. These diseases exist, or,
2. You have them.

Any combination of these can be any combination of infuriating and disheartening, and can really hinder getting/progressing through treatment.

In light of this, I wanted to take a look at a couple that I've heard, and maybe help someone out there who hears these to ignore them (or someone who says them to shut the fuck up). Let's start with my "favorite:"

• You're not depressed, you're just lazy.

Fuck this guy. This comment is only hurtful--there is no misplaced concern, or innocent misunderstanding, or even pseudo advice--it is solely malicious. It invalidates your suffering and then insults you.
Not only should you ignore this comment, you should disregard the asshat who said it to you. Obviously, this is easier said than done and our condition means we are prone to rumination, but just know that they are just. Freaking. Wrong. Seriously, though; fuck this guy.

• This person I know started taking [insert bullshit remedy here], and his'er depression was gone in a day!

Awwwww...bless this person's heart--they aren't mean, they're just stupid. Or at the very least, poorly informed. Either way, they mean well. Yes, you want to smack them upside the head, but at least they care, unlike the aforementioned asshat.
But they are still wrong. If their "homeopathic cure" actually worked, it would simply be called a "cure." So kindly ask them to show you the result of a double-blind study, and then ask them to leave your treatment to your doctors. This person has potential to be an ally, but only if they can be made to understand their role.

• Don't go to therapists, they'll want to give you shock therapy and load you up with drugs!

This person is very similar to the last one. They are afraid of modern medicine (maybe even with a real reason) and they care about you, but as least they aren't trying to shove kale or fish oil down your gullet. Although the second comment and this one can also come from the same person. They may be hard to convince--I'd stay away from complaints about side effects around this person--but they could also be a potential ally.

• You don't have anything to be depressed about!

Ugh.
I imagine this comes most often from those closest to us: parents, siblings, really close friends...someone who feels comfortable judging our current life situation enough to deem it not "depressing enough." This person--if made to understand the current scientific stance on what contributes to depression--might also be a great ally in this fight. Unfortunately, some of our worst enemies can also start off this way.
The good ones say this because they care, but don't understand. Deep down, they may feel like it's possibly their fault or that they could have stopped it. They say this because they feel comfortable enough to. The worst ones say this because they are comfortable enough to lead with this, and then end with the, "you're not depressed, you're just lazy," bullshit. These people will be one of the hardest to dismiss or avoid, and I am so sorry they are in your life.

But just because someone says it, thinks it, and/or believes it, doesn't mean it's true. Hell, one of the hardest things I had to learn was that it is the same thing when it comes to our own thoughts. Just because we say it, think it, believe it, doesn't make it true. I'll talk more on subjective vs. objective truths later, though.

The take-away here is this: people are fucking stupid. They may care, but sometimes say the stupidest shit when it comes to a topic they are uncomfortable with, so don't pay what people say much mind. Stick with those who are supportive, even if it's just an online community like reddit.

What are some stupid/thoughtless/hurtful things you've heard in regards to any of your "invisible illnesses?"