Sh*t People Say

Depression is one of the many, many diseases that cannot be easily seen. This simple fact enables the epic piles of ignorant shit people like to say to those of us with these "invisible illnesses." Some of these people are legitimately trying (and failing) to help, but some of them simply don't believe either:

1. These diseases exist, or,
2. You have them.

Any combination of these can be any combination of infuriating and disheartening, and can really hinder getting/progressing through treatment.

In light of this, I wanted to take a look at a couple that I've heard, and maybe help someone out there who hears these to ignore them (or someone who says them to shut the fuck up). Let's start with my "favorite:"

• You're not depressed, you're just lazy.

Fuck this guy. This comment is only hurtful--there is no misplaced concern, or innocent misunderstanding, or even pseudo advice--it is solely malicious. It invalidates your suffering and then insults you.
Not only should you ignore this comment, you should disregard the asshat who said it to you. Obviously, this is easier said than done and our condition means we are prone to rumination, but just know that they are just. Freaking. Wrong. Seriously, though; fuck this guy.

• This person I know started taking [insert bullshit remedy here], and his'er depression was gone in a day!

Awwwww...bless this person's heart--they aren't mean, they're just stupid. Or at the very least, poorly informed. Either way, they mean well. Yes, you want to smack them upside the head, but at least they care, unlike the aforementioned asshat.
But they are still wrong. If their "homeopathic cure" actually worked, it would simply be called a "cure." So kindly ask them to show you the result of a double-blind study, and then ask them to leave your treatment to your doctors. This person has potential to be an ally, but only if they can be made to understand their role.

• Don't go to therapists, they'll want to give you shock therapy and load you up with drugs!

This person is very similar to the last one. They are afraid of modern medicine (maybe even with a real reason) and they care about you, but as least they aren't trying to shove kale or fish oil down your gullet. Although the second comment and this one can also come from the same person. They may be hard to convince--I'd stay away from complaints about side effects around this person--but they could also be a potential ally.

• You don't have anything to be depressed about!

Ugh.
I imagine this comes most often from those closest to us: parents, siblings, really close friends...someone who feels comfortable judging our current life situation enough to deem it not "depressing enough." This person--if made to understand the current scientific stance on what contributes to depression--might also be a great ally in this fight. Unfortunately, some of our worst enemies can also start off this way.
The good ones say this because they care, but don't understand. Deep down, they may feel like it's possibly their fault or that they could have stopped it. They say this because they feel comfortable enough to. The worst ones say this because they are comfortable enough to lead with this, and then end with the, "you're not depressed, you're just lazy," bullshit. These people will be one of the hardest to dismiss or avoid, and I am so sorry they are in your life.

But just because someone says it, thinks it, and/or believes it, doesn't mean it's true. Hell, one of the hardest things I had to learn was that it is the same thing when it comes to our own thoughts. Just because we say it, think it, believe it, doesn't make it true. I'll talk more on subjective vs. objective truths later, though.

The take-away here is this: people are fucking stupid. They may care, but sometimes say the stupidest shit when it comes to a topic they are uncomfortable with, so don't pay what people say much mind. Stick with those who are supportive, even if it's just an online community like reddit.

What are some stupid/thoughtless/hurtful things you've heard in regards to any of your "invisible illnesses?"

Journaling Hows and Whys

Okay, so after having my terrible Wednesday and taking Thursday to chill (and work, admittedly), I feel like it's officially okay to attempt this again.

When it comes to the internet (and official literature that didn't have a paywall), so many people say that journaling is a good idea. It is a good idea for psychoanalysis, CBT, treating PTSD, behavioral activation, migraines, and just regular life among a million other applications as well, I'm sure. However, it's not necessarily something one is apt to do naturally. It feel silly, if I'm honest, at least until you get used to it. I only got really into it in the past year or so and even then it took awhile to get somewhat consistent about it.

I guess, technically, it was always "journaling," but it didn't feel that way. I had read somewhere that you can improve your working memory if you always write everything down. Supposedly this allows your brain to stop trying to hold on to a bunch of unnecessary information so you can focus better on what matters. So I wrote everything down. Grocery lists, schedules, room numbers, directions, idle thoughts, story ideas, complaints--everything. It was mostly on loose leaf paper in my school binder, but eventually I got little notebooks that I could carry around. This might be the beginning of my "pretty journals" obsession...Anyway, this note-taking led to journaling. Kinda. I didn't notice an increase in my mental powers, so I tapered off fairly quickly. When I switched over to journaling about my day, I completely stopped. Eventually I stopped carrying a notebook with me. I didn't really start back up until a couple years ago, and it didn't really get serious until last year, I think, when my depression bottomed-out again.

So what do I journal about now? Anything. Everything. I write about my day, my thoughts, I bitch about people/classes, I record my physical as well as mental health (though not as much as my doctors would like). I evaluate how I handled different problems and why, I make plans for Christmas decorations...

Do you want to start? Find a notebook that you like, or bind some loose leaf together in a folder. Then...well...start. There are a bunch of different techniques you can try, but research has shown (if you read any of the six links up top) that the most beneficial way to do this is to write about potential gains from problems you face. Basically just re-evaluating shitty situations and trying to find anything you could learn or grow from. This keeps you focused on more reflexive topics while not just dwelling on the negative.

If this deeper writing isn't for you, you can try more surface things like the route I took, writing everything down. There is also even more subtle things where you simply record the weather for each day. You can even take the more CBT-focused route and just record thoughts and feelings that you have.

If you are more creatively inclined (you don't have to be good at this, just enjoy it), you can start something called an art journal, too! Basically you take a topic and you draw/paint/photograph/sculpt/modge podge/collage it. It can be something really emotional such as a break up, or it could be fairly simple like taking a concept ("freedom") and making an entry representing that. To get the most out of this, I would suggest writing something alongside these entries so you can have something more concrete to look back on.

And for the most benefit, make sure you do look back! You can compare and see how you've grown or find patterns that are destructive. And if you have a therapist, then I would suggest bringing up your journal with them and seeing if they want to go over certain things with you. Having a trained second set of eyes can help eliminate some bias that may blind you to certain defenses or faults.

I think I might start posting journal topics for you guys either on a separate page or on the side bar, I don't know.
There is now a journaling topics page! Last update to it was on 11/25 at 1:26 am.

Have you had any experience with journaling you'd like to share? Maybe pictures of your journals themselves (I'm a sucker for a nice notebook)? Please comment below!

Trudging Through Tar

Hey. Today, I'm supposed to be writing about journaling and the different ways to get started. But right now I'm about ready to just curl up in my bed and ride out a shitty bout of self-hatred. I know, I know, I'm supposed to be over this by now, right? Wrong. I'm pretty much stuck with this stupid disease for the rest of my life (probably), and right now I'm pretty fucking sick of it.

I'm tired of the struggle, of the pain, of the upswings where I look around and realize that everything I've felt so sad about is silly, and then the anxiety behind the knowledge that I'm going to slip face-first into the tar pit of despair again when I least expect it (like today), and then the aforementioned slip itself. Right now I just want to give up. To go to sleep and not wake up...

But I can't. I know that on a long-term sort of scale, I'll get better--even if only for about a day or two--and then I'll do something that makes this stupid life worth it; be it a blog post, a helpful comment on reddit, or even just holding the door open for someone who really needed a little bit of kindness that day. Because, you see, no one lives in a vacuum. No matter how much you try to isolate yourself, someone is affected by what you do for better or worse. Little actions lead to big results that, honestly, you may never see, but they are there. You matter. I matter. As much as I wish I didn't...

So trudge on I shall. Although, right now I'm just going to lay down with the covers over my head until I can stop crying long enough to distract myself (probably with video games). I'm not going to lie, depression sucks. Big time.

Hang in there, friends. It gets better.