Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Remission is weird, part 1 or: SO MUCH ROOM FOR ACTIVITIES!

Being depressed, one is more likely to sleep long hours or while the day away passively. Binge-watching TV shows is a common "hobby" of the depressed, and I know that I tended to escape into Walter Mitty-esque fantasies to keep entertained.

Now that I'm in remission, however, I sleep like a normal person (a little less, I think). I have energy to spare and so sitting for hours at a time consuming movies and shows is not really a thing I want to do. Don't get me wrong--I can still get sucked into Top Gear for literally an entire week--but I also know that if I do this, I run the risk of becoming depressed again. The same goes for video games, too. For TV, I make sure I'm doing something at the same time (currently, that means crocheting), and for video games, I just limit them to when everyone else is asleep.

So then, what else is there to do? Try out different hobbies and pick up the ones I have during upswings, of course.

Hobbies I had before: writing and crafts. I'm still trying to get into the mindset of writing, but the internet has such a strong pull on me that it is difficult to concentrate. I have to stick with notebooks and stay away from rooms with monitors in them. Behaviorism is a bitch. For crafting, I sketch, use pastels, and generally make different things like decorations (I made the majority of stuff I hung up around Christmastime). The downside to all of this, is when I'm tapped out of ideas. I don't know what to do at that point. Plus crafting (even with my 30% discount at the store I work at) costs money.

I also like to go hiking when the weather is better, and maybe this year my husband and I will go camping...

New hobbies I have recently picked up: ...more crafting. I know, I know, it's not exactly new, but it is a completely different thing than I'm used to. I'm crocheting now, and I have just finished my first real project (a really, really long scarf). I'm also taking an Intro to Studio Art class this semester, so I'll be forced to keep up with different techniques and getting projects done. I have to maintain a blog for the class, but after the semester's over, I'll transfer all those pictures onto either this blog or to The Reachings (my writing blog that I will eventually start adding to again).

I'm also going to start reading again, starting with Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace. The plan is that I'll start to compile a list of books I actually want to read, and then just keep pulling from that as I go.

My point in all this, is that depression takes your whole goddamned life away from you. You have no energy, and you get this overwhelming sense that there is just no time to do anything, no point to learning things, and in the overall scheme of things, who gives a fuck?

But I do. Especially now. Now that I have control of my life again, control of my time and energy and happiness again, I'm going to grab life by the balls and do what I can to fill up my time with things I think are worthwhile.

Part 2 is going to be about how my mindset didn't change right away, and just how...jarring...that can be.

No comments:

Post a Comment

YOU (yes, you!) are ABSOLUTELY encouraged to post your own stories, comments, suggestions, and kind words to other readers! But please, be nice. This world is already full of enough, shall we say, gruffness. Also, no medical advice should be given or taken here--that's why we go to see doctors. Thanks in advance! <3